boy of the house at about 11 months of age. In some ways
it seems like yesterday. He's now at school.
I haven't felt like blogging for a while. Some of that has been because I've been busy - in a good way.
Work has been flat out, I've been to Sydney twice in 2 weeks, and we've had lots of catch ups with
friends at the old girl which has been lovely.
I've been a bit sad though too. The cause of my sadness is something that may be hard to understand for a lot of people. The boy of the house is an only child - not by choice, but that's what happens when you leave it until your later thirties to have a baby. I know we were very lucky to have him, when so many people are not able to have children at all. While I had a lot of sadness a few years ago when we were in the thick of trying hard to have another baby - with the emotional roller coaster that comes with assisted fertility - in more recent times I had come to accept, happily, that our little family was complete.
So I wasn't prepared this week for the emotional outpouring from the boy of the house.
He's not been himself these past 2 or 3 weeks, and it all came out on Sunday night when I was tucking him in to bed. He spontaneously started crying and asked me why he didn't have any brothers and sisters, how sad he was that it was just the three of us, and why couldn't it be different. "Friends are great mum, but a brother or sister is what I really want". The conversation went on for a long time, and it transpired that he has been sad about this for a long time and has been bottling it up. He is one of only two only-children at his school, and I hadn't realised how perceptive he was about the situation. Never under-estimate your children.
Of course in the grand scheme of things, we are such a lucky family, all living safely and healthily. On a daily basis at work I see children who are coping with acute or chronic illness, and am reminded constantly that good health and a loving family - whatever its size or composition - should never be taken for granted. However I think the thing that is making me especially sad about this is that it is a terrible thing to see your child so sad about something that no one - especially me - has the power to do any thing about. This is one thing I can't make better for him. I'm all for promoting resilience in our children, but he can't change this situation by working harder at something, or by applying himself more.
I am sure we will navigate this sadness, the boy of the house and I. In the meantime I've got plenty of house related things I can post about...... in due course.
This is a tricky one isn't it? Ultimately it is what it is and there are good and bad bits to it. I was an only child and while at times I wished for siblings, much of the time it was pretty special too. I married another only child and we were lucky enough to have two children. We were not so lucky to have two healthy and uncomplicated children and that is what it is too. I can only say that after years of sadness too that I too do not have the power to make my son's life easier or uncomplicated. My son has a lovely sister that he has spent years not coping with and we have missed enjoying the usual positives of children with siblings. Our job is to make the best of what we have been given and show our kids the positives in every situation. Perhaps point out he could have a very pesky little sister that wrecks all his lego creations, talks over everything he says and steals all his mum's cuddles and he might feel alot perkier! I feel sad too that my son misses out on so much of me that the 3 year sister steals away, there is always mother guilt, no matter what! melx
ReplyDeleteMel thank you for this beautiful, thoughtful and personal comment. You are absolutely right when you say that there is always mother guilt, no matter what, and that it's our job to show them the positives in every situation. Thanks Fx
DeleteThank you for sharing that very personal post. I have waited a bit longer to have my first child and now we are thinking of when to start trying for the second baby, because I realise that it may not be about what is convenient for us, we just can't take for granted that we will be blessed again. Seeing the positives in unfortunate situations is the only way to go :-). A lot longer down the track you may end up with a lot of grandchildren!!
ReplyDeleteThanks :) the thought of lots of grandchildren is cute! Hopefully a LOT longer down the track Fx
DeleteSending you a big hug. Your son sounds like a sensitive soul. It's hard when life deals you a hand that you never wanted... xx
ReplyDeleteThanks Brismod. I actually know that I have very little to complain about and am very lucky in many ways. But sometimes we all need a hug :) Fx
DeleteSo beautifuly written FT, it touched my heart. No wonder that your son is the wonderful, insightful and thoughtful soul that he is.
ReplyDeleteIt's interesting to be living in a place where almost every child is an only child - but I suspect they all still wish for the same thing. xxx
Thanks lovely FR xx
DeleteHugs to you F <3
ReplyDeleteI will be 30 next year and MrB is in his mid 30s. I've been thinking about kids a lot latelly. And the more w think about it the more we realise that we are not yet ready to have kids. I wonder if we ever will be. Perhaps we just need to bite a bullet? We both want kids but wouldn't it be nice if it all worked out when we are ready, regardless of when it might be.... Ahhh.
B